I’m starting to know that loving you was extra painful than leaving you. As I’m shedding the pores and skin that you just molded so completely for me, I understand I used to be by no means proud of you. In hindsight, I used to be solely settling for ambivalence and mediocrity.
I used to be blindly trying to find love in all of the incorrect locations. I used to be searching for somebody to quench my thirst for love and intimacy, however you have been by no means going to meet my want. I used to be asking to be liked by the incorrect individual, as a result of the whole lot felt so proper within the warmth of the second.
I used to be ready to be liked by somebody who loves the concept of waking up beside me as an alternative of a stranger whose title you not keep in mind. Somebody who would present me they liked me with out having to say these three little phrases for the sake of claiming them or to make me completely happy. Somebody who would speak to me about something, the whole lot, and nothing all on the similar time; a love so nice that even the silence between us is heat sufficient on a chilly night.
As a substitute, I’d go to sleep with my ears pressed towards the door, ready for the second I may hear your footsteps hit the wood floorboards within the hallway. They by no means got here. Evening after night time, I discover myself ready to listen to your footsteps however am embraced with a deafening silence. I prayed to your actions to lastly match your phrases despite the fact that deep down, I knew it could solely result in disappointment and disappointment. I used to be withering for somebody who solely gave me the naked minimal.
Somebody who supplied me with simply sufficient affection to remind me what not being alone felt like.
Somebody who continued to candy speak me into loving them till I not allowed them to create chaos in my life.
Somebody who didn’t thoughts robbing me of my interior peace.
Perhaps I by no means liked you. I romanticized what we had. Perhaps I created this ache for myself; I placed on rose-tinted glasses and noticed the whole lot that I had needed to see. I liked you the way in which I used to be taught to deal with battle, with my eyes shut and arms over my ears when issues obtained dangerous. I needed you to be the one so badly that I started settling for the concept of us, the concept that we could possibly be lovers, however we have been by no means meant to be.