For a very long time, my greatest worry was that I might find yourself alone. I felt being alone was one thing I by no means wished for myself and simply the thought made me anxious. It wasn’t till I used to be put in a state of affairs the place I used to be pressured to be alone that I began to really discover myself. After two long-term relationships from after I was 17 till I used to be 26, I began my journey of therapeutic, self-love, and discovering myself for the primary time.
I by no means knew what it was prefer to be single and actually perceive it. To me, being single appeared just like the scariest factor on the planet. In some way, I felt if I used to be single it meant that there was one thing flawed with me and I wanted to be mounted. So, for eight years of my life, I dedicated myself to 2 totally different individuals.
Wanting again now, I see how every of them served a special goal in my life and in my story. One confirmed me what love isn’t and I discovered the distinction between love and infatuation. The opposite taught me what real love is but in addition actual heartbreak. Dropping somebody I by no means wished to lose was a humbling expertise. I discovered generally love isn’t sufficient to repair every little thing, and to ensure that me to develop, I needed to dig deeper inside myself to repair me.
I noticed I used to be so centered on not being alone that I jumped into relationships blindly. I suppressed my insecurities and lack of self-love that I struggled with and hoped a relationship would fill that void I felt, but it surely by no means did. Finally, every little thing got here to the floor and performed a component on this individual I might grow to be after I was in a relationship
After my final relationship, it took me some time to actually bounce again. It introduced me to a very darkish place that I wasn’t positive I might get out of. It’s one thing I nonetheless battle with, however I discovered to not let it devour me. I informed myself I’ll take this time to find out about myself and who I used to be. I wanted to seek out my very own happiness outdoors of another person.
By means of this course of, I’ve grown a lot. I confronted each insecurity and began to be taught issues about myself that I by no means knew. It has modified me in some ways, and I began to like the individual I used to be turning into. I’ve grow to be resilient, assured, accountable, and self-aware, and the record goes on.
An important lesson I discovered was regardless of how a lot I believed I used to be prepared for love, I wasn’t. Irrespective of how a lot I felt it and skilled real love, I might by no means actually know love if I by no means discovered to like myself first.
It’s been two years that I’ve been on this solo journey of discovering myself. Though it’s a battle at occasions, I proceed to like myself extra every day and develop. I imagine when the universe is aware of I’m prepared, that’s when the magic will occur. All the fitting issues shall be placed on my path.