I would like issues to be totally different. I desperately do.
I’ve all the time held out hope that we might discover a means if we simply tried laborious sufficient. If we fought laborious sufficient. If we gave it the whole lot we had. I imply, doesn’t the universe honor that- if two individuals are keen to danger a lot to be collectively?
That’s not the case, although. As a result of some issues don’t work, even should you consider wholeheartedly that they need to.
Every little thing in my bones screams at me that perhaps there’s one other likelihood for us on the market. I’d like to cling to that concept. If I did, then I might attain out to you once more, with out hesitation, to carry that likelihood to life. But the unhappiness and finality of the whole lot sits on my chest like a weight. We aren’t meant for one another.
If we have been, then I’d’ve sacrificed the whole lot once I had the prospect. If we have been, you wouldn’t have appeared to different individuals to fill the house I held. If we have been, you’ll’ve advised me the way you felt when it made sense to. If we have been, I’d’ve advised you ways I felt, even when it meant scaring you a bit of.
There are recollections and moments the place I perceive why I felt so positive about us. Our real connection, the benefit by which we opened up to one another, our chemistry that made the whole lot really feel as if it have been one fireplace. The tender moments the place we held onto one another, silent guarantees that at some point we’d determine all of it out.
But on the opposite facet, I keep in mind once we’d push one another away, while you would develop distant and indifferent, not giving me a motive why. Once I would attain out to you in a means that felt clingy and dependent. Once I would flip to another person to distract myself from the harm, and the way I wouldn’t change my thoughts even while you confirmed up once more.
I keep in mind the countless circles we went round, how we referred to as them studying experiences as an alternative of dangerous habits. We’d all the time say we might do higher sooner or later, that we had our complete lives to determine this out. However I can’t spend the remainder of my life being dizzy, even when it’s with you.
I miss you greater than you would ever notice. I nonetheless choose up the cellphone, able to textual content you about one thing that occurred. I nonetheless ache once I see you put up one thing on social media, and I wish to attain out. I take into consideration you extra typically than I’d care to admit- to myself or anybody else.
I do know it’s okay to overlook you as a result of no matter we had was robust and exquisite. To faux like I don’t miss you’ll be a disservice to the whole lot we went by. But I’m lastly in a spot the place I do know that lacking you isn’t an indication to strive once more. It’s an indication that we had a fantastic factor. That’s it, that’s all.
So please know I miss you, however I do perceive we aren’t meant for one another.
However I’ll nonetheless keep in mind us for the remainder of my life- and I’ll study to be okay with that.