I want I wouldn’t have been so afraid to only speak to you.
Possibly if I might have instructed you that the quick time I spent with you was value extra to me than the entire years I spent with him, you’ll nonetheless be right here. Possibly if I might have set boundaries, I might not have misplaced the one romantic relationship that has ever actually meant one thing to me. Possibly if I might have simply allow you to go with out the anger and the resentment, I might nonetheless have considered one of my closest buddies. Possibly if I might have simply been trustworthy, issues wouldn’t have gotten so messy.
Possibly I wouldn’t be writing the identical phrases over and time and again, simply to attempt to discover the rationale why. Possibly if I might simply settle for that typically, we’ll by no means discover our reply, I might lastly transfer on. Possibly if I might have simply instructed you sooner, I wouldn’t have to maneuver on. Possibly all the pieces could be completely different.
Or possibly it could all be precisely the identical
You continue to would have gotten on that aircraft. You continue to would have met that woman. And I nonetheless would have been me and never her, and there was by no means something I might have ever completed to vary that. Possibly I simply want to simply accept the truth that typically who and what we would like adjustments.
Possibly the gap is simply an excessive amount of between the 2 of you or your desires in life have change into too completely different. Or possibly at some point, you look into their eyes and also you simply know. You simply know that these eyes have checked out another person with the identical love they used to see in you. You simply know that there are secrets and techniques behind them that you’ll by no means know, and possibly it’s higher that means. Possibly it’s higher to not know why you had been now not sufficient. Or that you just had been by no means sufficient within the first place. Possibly I don’t must know if you happen to ever consider me or if I’m simply one other web page in your story. Possibly I’m simply one other second in time that can at some point be forgotten.
Possibly I by no means ought to have recognized the reality. Or possibly I ought to have simply accepted the truth that the reality was all the time there between us. We each knew from the start that what we had must finish. We had already gotten our second likelihood. I don’t know why I’m nonetheless sitting right here so eager for the third.
We each knew that what we had was completely different. We each determined that what we had was well worth the ache of figuring out it might by no means be everlasting. We each took an opportunity, and we each acquired damage. And nonetheless, I feel that it was value it.
Even when I knew how issues had been going to finish between us, I might nonetheless select you. I might nonetheless select you figuring out that in just some quick months, you’ll select to depart my life eternally. And that I must stay with that selection eternally. That’s what you meant to me.
You taught me each the wonder and the ache of residing within the second. You confirmed me simply how lovely the world could possibly be if you happen to simply opened as much as it. You made me really feel beloved in a means that I had by no means skilled earlier than. With you, I felt lovely. With you, I didn’t must query if you happen to cared as a result of I all the time knew that you just did.
I’ll always remember the way in which we checked out one another beneath the steps on the prepare station. I’ll always remember the way in which I felt because the prepare pulled away, and I simply knew that issues would by no means be the identical once more. I simply knew that who we had been in that second was one thing we might by no means be capable of get again. I knew that I used to be watching the start of the top. And there was nothing I might do to cease it.
You had been shifting on together with your life and chasing your profession, whereas I stayed behind within the metropolis that will by no means fairly be your property. I knew that I might by no means be capable of be your property.
I needed so badly for issues to finish nicely this time. I had naively assumed that we might keep buddies and that issues between us would stay the identical. If there’s one factor that my time with you taught me, it was that issues by no means remained the identical.
From the day you crashed into my world to the day you so silently walked away, you confirmed me how a lot issues can change instantly. Typically these adjustments are all the pieces you could possibly have ever needed in life, whereas different occasions, they’re your worst nightmares come true. Life won’t ever be all good or all dangerous. Adjustments will come into your life, whether or not or not you’re prepared or prepared to obtain them.
I’ll all the time be so glad that I took an opportunity on you. From you, I realized that typically the very best issues in life actually do come once you least anticipate them, and that typically, the issues we least anticipate are sadly the issues that come true.
I don’t know what you’re doing now, however I hope that you’re blissful. I hope you’re fulfilled and doing the entire issues that you’ve got all the time needed to do. I hope that you just didn’t lose your ardour for music and the humanities. I hope you get to journey to the entire locations you continue to wish to see. And I hope that at some point, somebody loves you as deeply and as wholly as you deserve. (I do know that that is what we each deserve.)
And even when our paths by no means cross once more, know that you’ll all the time have a house right here in Chicago.